Was supposed to go to Southampton on Tuesday, but I couldn’t afford it. Supposed to also go to the cinema twice yesterday but Sarah couldn’t afford it and Nik had already seen Fast and Furious 6 but she said she’d think about it but then cancelled. But I thought it was okay because at least I could spend some time with Charlotte but no she bought Leon and Olie, and Dan and James. And now owe mum £60 and ‘m trying to save to go to France over Christmas. I’m just afraid of people, I can’t even deliver papers to the shops on my paper round. Wish I could be someone else. Not a day goes by when I’m not jealous of the lives my friends have. I just don’t want to feel scared anymore. I’m genuinely worried about myself.