Sarah was supposed to be coming round mine tomorrow to bake Georgia a cake but she’s cancelled. It’s not her fault but I just hate being let down. Everyone does it to me all the time. Georgia’s having a sleepover for her birthday and she’s only allowed 3 people so I’m not invited. I’ve never been to her house and to be honest I don’t think I will ever see her house. What’s the point in being nice when you aren’t confident enough to show people how nice you are? Being nice gets you nowhere. I’m still ignored in school, I’m still alone at home, why should I bother anymore? Or maybe this is just me attention seeking? But either way, being nice is all I have, I’m not pretty, rich, confident or even that smart. I just wish I was someone else…
Been constantly revising for my 3 science exams at the moment and I’m really worried about them. I’m also worried about Sarah. She’s been really upset lately about everything and I just hate seeing her like this, she deserves more than this. The amount of shit she’s gone through and now I think it’s just all coming back to get her. Braces suck. I have these biting blocks that are such a nuisance and I can only eat soft food. It’ll be worth it all in the end though!
Hey what a surprise, I’m feeling like shit again. Basically I was going to watch The Host today and I arranged it with everyone but then nobody could come which I was fine about but then Charlotte D asked if anyone wanted to go to Nando’s and everyone was like “yeah” which really pissed me off but I thought I’d go anyone because I am so lonely here and I haven’t been out at all in these holidays, but then yesterday I got a message from Louise saying “are you getting the train?” I had no clue what she was going on about but basically they’d changed the date and nobody had told me. And now Charlotte J and Sarah are going to watch The Host tomorrow and I can’t go because I’m getting my braces. I’m just so fucking angry and lonely and scared.
I haven’t written much in here in a while because this diary has been in my bag. The French exchanges have been and gone. I went to Nando’s last Friday with Esther, Rebecca, Eve, Rachel, Louise and Clarisse (Esther’s partner). It was such a good night. I’m so glad that I have such good friends and I love them. I had such a bad day yesterday though, I had my tetanus jab which wasn’t bad but I was nervous for it, I just handed my photography project in on time but I don’t think my final piece is very god and I think I got a C in my German test and I thought I knew it by heart. So basically last night I cried myself to sleep. I am glad I have shared my diary with everyone and everyone’s been trying to get into it 😉
Went to see Oz-the great and powerful on Saturday. It was amazing! Saw Katie on Sunday which always cheers me up. Been feeling so much better these past few days which is good. I think I’m gonna lend people my diary soon because I feel they need to know how I feel. If anyone is offended I’m sorry and I love you all so much, past is the past! You can leave a note in the back once you’ve read this!
I quit the job after 1 day. I cried on the way home and I basically didn’t like it. I got Charlotte’s paper round. Went to see Justin Bieber 3 days ago! It was one of the best days of my life and Sarah was the best person to have shared it with. Been feeling really down lately though and that’s lead me to do things I shouldn’t have. If anyone’s reading this don’t ask.
Got a job at the Oasis Café. I emailed them, then got told to call a number and she phoned me back asking me to go in on Sunday (24th) for a trial. I’m so nervous though. Actually I’m not nervous, I’m flat out scared. She said they have 17 and 18 year olds there so I’ll have people my age, but what if they hate me? What if I’m not very good? guess we’ll find out on Sunday!
I need a job. I’m gonna have to do some calling though which scares me.
I was thinking about growing up earlier and about when I leave secondary school. I only have like a year left so I should enjoy it right? I have no clue what I want to do yet; I haven’t even had time to grow up. I can’t imagine myself in 2 years going to sixth form and being able to learn how to drive, and having to choose what path my life should take. I’ve been too busy thinking about other people’s lives and problems that I don’t know what to do with mine. I’m too kind, I let people walk all over me, yet n my mind I don’t even see myself doing it. I don’t know where I’m heading in life so maybe I’ll make it up as I go along? That doesn’t seem like such a great plan though.
Disneyland was amazing! I conquered my fear of rides! I went on Big Thunder Mountain, Indiana Jones and Space Mountain. That’s upside down, loops, corkscrews and dark! I didn’t go on Tower of Terror or the Rock and Roller coaster though because I wimped out. Lewis borrowed my pen and he still has it! I had a dream about him while I was at Disneyland. Me and him got paired up to do a job or something together and he didn’t wanna be with me and he cried so I cried. Anyway, I bought Katie a really cute Tinkerbell top. I can’t wait to give it to her, hope she likes it!