Didn’t go to school today because it snowed really badly. It’s the most snow I think I’ve ever seen in *insert my hometown*. Feel a bit lost with myself at the minute. I lack purpose. I feel as if people just put up with me not because they like me but because they feel sorry for me. I feel as if my lack of confidence is swallowing me from the inside out. I’m constantly scared, worried, stressed or upset and I don’t know why. I mean my life could be so much worse but every tiny thing upsets me so much and I feel that if I cry I’m just annoying people but basically I’m just jealous of all my friends with their functional families. I know their lives may not be great but to me it looks like they are. At least they have their family, I don’t feel like anyone really gets me. My family constantly argue, my friends are all paired up with their best friends and I’m just left tagging along. I don’t feel I have a place with them but I want to so badly. I mean everyone has their roles in the group: Sarah is the one who s awesome, will tell you the truth if you ask for it but will also give you comfort if you need it. That’s another point. They all say I can talk to them but I just feel like a pesterer. Esther is funny, she can cheer me up no matter what, you can confide in her and you know she’ll never tell. Eve is just Eve. She is also very funny but I feel slightly detached from her because she is the complete opposite of me: she’s funny, pretty, caring and confident. Louise is a hard one because I don’t feel I know her well enough. I would like to get to know her more but I don’t think we have much in common. She’s very confident though which I admire and she’s loud. Charlotte J always tells the truth which can be good and bad but she always asks if I’m okay which is nice. Charlotte D is supposed to be my best friend but lately I don’t feel it. She’s been spending a lot of time with Leon etc. which is good for her but it kinda leaves me floating because I don’t really like Leon at the minute. Since him and her got back together he’s completely ignored me. Charlotte is like my leaning post, she’s there to help me if I need her but when I don’t she seems to disappear. Rebecca I feel very close to. I would tell her anything. Even if she’s not good at keeping secrets, she feels bad when she doesn’t. She can make me laugh and knows when I’m upset. She knows not to push me too far and I trust her with my life. I know she’ll be there if I need her. Georgia is the singer of the group, sometimes it gets annoying but that’s only because she’s so good! I feel we’ve got closer these past few weeks which I like because she’s good to talk to. Rachel is just s weird in a good way. The things that come out of her mouth are bound to make you smile and she is so kind and happy all the time. I love them all so much for being them and I feel that without them I’m worthless.
Birthday went well. Was worried that people would be bored but they weren’t. Esther drew an awesome picture of one direction! Got to stay with Nik on Thursday, Friday and most of Saturday which was amazing; watched shelter and shutter island, both of them are amazing. Got a bit upset yesterday and it was one of those downwards spirals where I just couldn’t stop crying. My PSP is rubbish, it’s broken and 2 of the games are broken. Shannon’s going to switch with me though. Quite scared about going back to school to be honest. I know there’s no reason to be but I am. Got dad’s IPhone today. It’s amazing. Mum’s taking it to be unlocked tomorrow and Terry is bringing a GiffGaff sim card for me some time in the week :D.